From her point of view, The same thing happened to me is an expression of understanding and reassurance that she’s not alone, both of which are treasured benefits of friendship. A friend would go on to ask for more details: And then what did you say? Taking the time to explore a problem, to ask questions and listen to the answers, and then use the answers in formulating further questions—all this sends a metamessage of caring.
The one who tells of a problem feels less alone if someone cares enough to engage in troubles talk.
Their response shocked him; the student’s request was permitted.
The reasoning was apparently that students studying abroad in the same online class were given accommodations, and allowed to complete an alternative assignment. X must be accommodated in exactly the same way as the distant student has been,” the vice dean wrote to Grayson. It is not a Protestant, Catholic, Jewish, or Moslem university.
X equally would mean that, like other students, he is expected to interact with female students in his group.”A university provost, speaking on behalf of the dean, said the decision to grant the student’s request was made after consulting legal counsel, the Ontario Human Rights Code and the university’s human rights centre.Given this expectation, short-circuiting troubles talk sends the opposite metamessage: I don’t want to hear any more about your problem because I don’t care enough about it—or about you.When I wrote about this scenario in You Just Don’t Understand, I said that she doesn’t want a solution; she just wants to talk about it.The depth of frustration a woman might feel when she wants to talk about a problem and a man she is close to doesn’t, is commensurate with the magnitude of the troubles.Ironically, the greater the problem, the less eager a man might be to talk about it, not because he doesn’t care but because he cares so much.