You stalk them on every social media platform possible before switching to eating only GMO-foods for a year. You loved him a lot and this is your first real heartbreak. You reconnect with all the friends you had turned your back on during your First Adult Relationship and vow never to forget them again. AGES 22–24 Online dating (aka, That Time of Which I Shall Not Speak Of). The gifts you get are slightly less nice because let's face it, they're not old enough to fully appreciate you or have gobs of money to spoil you with.

Hey, even if all the dates aren't great (and, trust me, they won't be), the stories are usually amazing. It's lackluster, but you get your shit together and realize exactly what you want. AGES 28–beyond You have several (or just a few) (or just one) relationships with men who are your equals and who love and respect you.

College is a cushy pseudo-microcosm of the real world where everyone is your age, and not yet plagued by the soul-crushing realities of the real world and things like student loans, taxes, and week-ruining hangovers.

However you choose to navigate your four-year plan, keep in mind — a freshman calculus computation suggests that — just given the size of the student body, you'll eventually find Mr. In the meantime, there are countless options to explore, and crushes to be had.

AGE 20 1/2 The Whole Foods bro turns out to be pretty solid and you date him for the rest of college.

You two move into an apartment that your parents have to cosign for and you wait tables and he slings Kombucha after class.

Time slows down, and classic rock guitar riffs crescendo when this guy walks across the green. This senior is the collegiate poster-child, at the peak of his undergraduate potential, with the five o'clock shadow to match, and still unburdened by the unsightly realities of adulthood.

He's found the perfect homework/life balance, crushing midterms by day, and cans of Natty Light by night.

Second, while you'll still probably wish every day of undergrad that they'll just grow up already, college guys are in a much better place in life than they were two or three years ago, and they're right on the cusp of actual adulthood where sh*t gets real, real fast.

You are and your parents have the sex talk with you but duh, you've already been boning for a year.

You cuddle on your beds for hours and stare into each other's eyes and hold hands and spin in a circle on the football field together when you're supposed to be doing laps.

AGE 19 Start a semi-regular thing with Ron from down the hall in your dorm.

He's the least gross dude on your floor and he wants to be a doctor!