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    It isn't that you can't find a person of substance online -- people can and do.

    It's that the interface lends itself to superficial judgment, simply by nature of an online simulacrum -- all kissy faces and six-packs and humble brags and innuendo -- before meeting. I acknowledge that there are people who have forged healthy relationships that began online, but I find that is the exception and not the rule.

    It isn't hard to love someone this way, in fact, it can even be selfish because of how pleasurable it is.

    I like sex as much as the next person, and eros is incredibly rewarding in the short term.

    This creates two unfortunate associations: it equates online women with sex (not just sex -- fisting! Philia is "mental" love, defined by Aristotle as virtuous love.

    It is close to what we would call "loyalty." It's often absent in modern dating, from the backward harem-like setup of , to my experiences with two out of the three men I've met online.

    ), coping with children who run away from home or become addicts, losing all their savings in the stock market.

    Less dramatically, agape is the love that prevents you from leaving your partner when he or she is no longer shiny and new.

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    Tindr doesn't even bother telling you much of anything about the person behind the pic.The "soulmate" is an illusion, and that's good news.Further, love doesn't have to -- and probably won't -- appear in the package we expect it too.And two out of the three men continued -- to my surprise -- to communicate romantically with women on those dating sites well into our relationships.Usually in the same browsing sessions that they were checking out porn. While porn can have a place in healthy romantic relationships, in this context, it offers a release that you haven't had to work for, which is nothing like a real relationship.

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